My Otherleft

Wow…this hurts.

I had a friend pass away. We had cancer together when we were younger. He was one of the only ones who had the same type I did, but he had it way worse and for a lot longer than I did. He taught me how to take joy in little things…like with the gloves, how to play with them and how to make little puppets out of different stuff in the hospital rooms. He taught me how to smile even when I felt like crying (a lesson that’s failing me now, guess I’m not done learning that one). He was amazing. Although we haven’t been close in a long time, we’ve never lost contact and always kept tabs on each other.

A few months ago he told me he had cancer again. Technically, since it had been so long, it was considered a new case even though it was the same kind (if less time has passed, it would of just been considered coming out of remission). Last I heard, he was doing ok…fighting the way only Alex could. Then tonight I got a call that sometime in the middle of the night last night he passed away. Alex, what the hell. It’s not like you to give up like this! Come back and finish teaching me my lessons…I’ve got more to learn from you buddy. :’( 

The worst part is, as far as I know, he’s not saved. So I can’t even fool myself into believing I’ll see you again someday. I wish you hadn’t been so dense like that!

Emotions going crazy…For the first time my boyfriend let me down tonight. I needed him. I needed to cry on his shoulder. We had plans to hang out for a bit after I got off work and he canceled on me last minute…I told him I needed him the best way I could (which wasn’t very good I’m sure. I suck at that…) and he didn’t even reply…That hurts too.

So much pain…God…heal me like only you can!

~Katelyn~ 

So…

My boyfriend is still amazing. He treats me better than I deserve. We work through our failures together. I communicate with him! Which is huge for me, because I suck at that. He seems to sense exactly what I need, even when I’m no where near him.

The other day I felt like he needed a little space. He was kind of cranky, happens to everyone, lol. But I hadn’t talked to him all day and was starting to struggle with not texting him or anything. About the time I am going to give in and send him a text, he calls me for no other purpose than to tell me he loves me. <3 

He makes me talk to him when I need it, which is amazing because he can tell when I do. He listens and doesn’t get too upset when he can’t fix something. We pray together! And read the Bible. It’s amazing being able to feel God working in us both at the exact same time. That kind of connection is new to me.

I’m so in love with him, and I wake up and thank God for him every single day. The blessings my Lord gives me…I’m far from worthy of them. Giving me a man that loves Him first and me second is only one of the amazing things!  

I can’t wait to marry this man! 

~Katelyn~ 

Random thought about the future.

My amazing boyfriend has two beautiful little girls. I love them already. I love everything about the idea of being a step mom, even the over complicated things that I know will be hard to work through eventually. I love shopping for them too, it is awesome. They’re going to be staying at my place every other weekend (for reasons I can further explain if needed) starting tonight actually so I went and bought some cups and stuff for them. : ) It sounds silly but just picking out princess sippy cups made my day.

So this all got me thinking about the future and once we go to have children of our own. He wants a boy so bad. But I think I still want a little girl of my own. At the same time, I don’t really want five kids (even half time) and I want more than anything to make him happy and have a son.

I know when it comes down to it and I’m pregnant, the gender is 100% in God’s very capable hands. But thinking about which I’d want more is confusing me now…I guess I’ll just keep praying that God, someday, when and if you bless Pete and me with a baby that it be a healthy one. Boy or Girl…that’s all the really matters in the end to me. : )

~Katelyn~ 

Prepare…

For a cluster of Pon and Zi. I haven’t read them in ages and I’m in love. Those two put together means I LOVE THEM LOTSSS!!!

~Katelyn~